Confessions of a closet trader

How many couples have gone through this? You want to be a trader. I am guessing you are the husband although I don’t have any statistics to back this up. Your spouse doesn’t think trading is a real job or doesn’t want you to lose “our” money.

So you have been a little secretive about what you’re doing. You live in fear that she will discover you are looking at a quote screen on your computer. While you may be spending hours on the computer studying prices and trading strategies, she suspects you have a gambling habit or are spending all of your time looking at porn sites on the web.

Let’s face it: You are not going to keep your trading secret from a suspicious wife for long.

“What’s this ‘data charge’ on our credit card statement?” she will inquire.

Or “What is this entry on Line 13 of our joint IRS 1040 form, “Capital Gain or Loss, minus $3,000′?”

If you have been hiding your trading activity, it’s time to prepare for the ridicule that you are sure to get when she finds out about your trading.

“We should have invested in property because it always goes up.” That was the line a few years ago, but I don’t hear it so much now.

“Why did you buy a stock that didn’t go up?” she wonders, echoing the sage, Will Rogers.

Or, worse yet, “I told you that you should have bought stock XYZ when I said so.”

(I didn’t make those up. Someone really made those comments.)

That kind of “support” is not helpful to a trader. Trading involves enough pressure itself, and more pressure from a spouse will make it almost impossible to succeed as a trader. So, if you want to trade, here is some advice for the cheating (as a trader) spouse:

  • If you actually are so addicted to trading that you hate weekends when there are no markets to trade, get a life – that is, get into something else in addition to trading. Maybe even a date night with your wife.
  • Be sure the money you are trading is money you can afford to lose without having much of an effect on your lifestyle. Don’t use the rent or grocery money to trade. Too much pressure.
  • Explain a bit of your trading plan to your spouse. It’s not worth the time or effort to explain selling puts or covered calls, but tell her enough so she can accept your reasons for what you are doing. (Note: Some things will be unexplainable, like having an account at the bankrupt MF Global and then transferring the remaining funds to PFG. Yes, that really happened, too. There are no explanations/excuses for black-swan events.)
  • Adopt sort of a “don’t-ask-don’t-tell” pact with your wife. You don’t tell her every detail about your trading, she doesn’t explain her rationale for some of her “weird” interests or every “mysterious” charge on your credit card statement.
  • Trade small. Despite the hype you see about making big money quickly with this system or that strategy, it’s quite unlikely you will strike it rich on one big trade. It does happen, but trade with the idea that every trade will be a loser that you have to explain to your spouse. You can’t pursue your trading interest if you don’t preserve your trading stake.