Wish I could put up a link to a YouTube video, but the script will have to illustrate my point.

I will be waiting from 8am to 1pm tomorrow for my cable install after waiting two weeks to get an appointment.

I have no real recourse other than to spam the Google Alerts at Comcast HQ with bad social media PR.

There are bigger things to worry about in this world so I’m moving on….hopefully to trading again.

The Cadillac (1)

Transcribed by Mark Brockbank, Barrow-in-Furness

Episode Number: 124
Original Air Date: February 08, 1996

Written by: Larry David & Jerry Seinfeld
Directed by: Andy Ackerman

Recurring Cast:
Liz Sheridan (Helen Seinfeld)
Barney Martin (Morty Seinfeld)
Sandy Baron (Jack Klompus)

Guest Cast:
Marisa Tomei (Herself)
Ann Guilbert (Evelyn)
Walter Olkewicz (Nick (Cable Guy))
Annabelle Gurwitch (Katy)
Bill Macy (Herb)
Jesse White (Ralph)

AFTER the opening scenes…

…Jerry puts down the plate, gets up and opens the door, to reveal a guy in a Plaza Cable cap.


NICK: Hi, uh, excuse me. I’m uh, I’m with Plaza Cable. I’m sorry to bother you. I…I’m looking for the guy who lives over here. Been waiting about uh, heh, two hours. You uh, happen to know where he is?


NICK: If you see him, Could you just tell him the cable company was here?

JERRY: Sure.

NICK: Thanks.

The guy leaves. Jerry closes the door and returns to the couch.

JERRY: (about the cable guy) Nice people.


Jerry heads for the fridge, just as Kramer enters.

JERRY: Hey, cable guy’s looking for you.

KRAMER: Oh, yeah?

JERRY: Yeah.

KRAMER: Oh. Yeah, I been getting HBO and Showtime for free. See, they just found out about it, so now they wanna come and take it out.

JERRY: Well, said he was waiting about two hours. Seemed a little put out.

KRAMER: Oh, was he? Was he? I guess the cable man doesn’t like to be kept

JERRY: You don’t seem too bothered by it.

KRAMER: You remember what they did to me ten years ago? “Oh, we’ll be there in the morning between nine and one”, or “We’ll be there between two and six”! (quiet anger) And I sat there, hour after hour, without so much as a phone call. Finally, they show up, no apology, tracking mud all over my nice clean floors. (malice) Now, they want me to accommodate them. Well, looks like the shoe’s on the other foot, doesn’t it?

JERRY: Boy, I’ve never seen you like this.

KRAMER: Oh, you don’t wanna get on my bad side.


Kramer sees something through the peephole. He motions Jerry and Elaine to quieten down.

KRAMER: Quiet, quiet.

[Jerry’s Apartment/Hall Outside Jerry’s Apartment]

Nick, the cable guy is standing by Kramer’s door. George wanders up to Jerry’s door and, as he gets there, is addressed.

NICK: Hey, uh, you know the guy who lives here?


George moves to open Jerry’s door, but the cable guy is still talking.

NICK: (quietly angry) All morning I been waiting here. All morning.

Peering through the peephole, Kramer makes a noise of excited satisfaction.

NICK: (still angry) The guy says he’s gonna be home. I show up and all I do is wait. I’m getting pretty sick and tired of it. I’m not gonna put up with it much longer.

The cable guy stalks away. Inside Jerry’s, Kramer turns to speak to Jerry and Elaine.

KRAMER: I’m loving this.

Kramer lowers his eye to the peephole again, just as George opens the door. The door cracks Kramer on the forehead with a thump. George enters. Kramer peers round George to check the cable guy’s gone.

GEORGE: Kramer, there’s a guy out here that…

KRAMER: Yeah, yeah. I know, I know.


[Kramer’s Apartment]

Kramer sits on his couch reading a newspaper. Beside him, on a table, are his phone and an answering machine. The phone rings, but Kramer doesn’t answer, instead allowing the machine to pick up.


NICK (O.C.): Yeah, this is Nick Stevens, from Plaza Cable.

Kramer smiles on hearing the voice.

NICK (O.C.): Well, I waited all morning again. You said you were gonna be there from nine to one.

Kramer puts down his paper and stretches out on the couch to listen.

NICK (O.C.): I was there. Where were you? You think I got nothing better to do than stand outside all morning, waiting for you to show up?!

Kramer waves his fist, mocking the cable guy’s anger. He laughs to himself.

NICK (O.C.): You’re not gonna get away with this!


[Kramer’s Apartment]

Kramer is reading a magazine on the couch. The phone rings and he answers it.

KRAMER: Y’hello.

NICK (O.C.): (inexpertly disguising his voice) Hi, uh ah, Mister Kramer, ah, this is McNab down at the phone company. We’ve got a report about some trouble on your line.

Kramer smiles, as he recognises the voice.

KRAMER: Hmm. Well, I haven’t had any trouble.

NICK (O.C.): Uh, the thing is, we happen to have a man right in your neighbourhood.

Kramer walks over to his window, and uses his fingers to open a couple of blades on his blinds. Peering through, he can see a public phone box across the street. Parked beside the box is a truck emblazoned with the Plaza Cable insignia, and in the box is the familiar figure of Nick, the cable guy.

KRAMER: (playing along) Ohh, is that right? Well, I have been having a little trouble with my call-waiting.

NICK: We can fix that. We can fix that.

KRAMER: (sitting back on the couch) Oh, can you? That’s funny, because, as it happens, I don’t have call-waiting. Seems to me that the phone company would know that.

NICK: Oh, right. (laughing it off) I’m sorry, I was looking at the wrong work order.

KRAMER: Yeah. Could you hold on for a second? I’ve got something on the stove.

Kramer puts the phone down beside a radio and switches it on. It plays cheesy music into the phone. Kramer gets up and heads out the door.


Nick, the cable guy, stands in the phone box. He’s listening to the cheesy music on the phone, and getting impatient. He glances at his watch. Suddenly, a car horn blares and a shout is heard.

KRAMER: Hey, McNab!

The cable guy turns, to see Kramer leaning out of the window of a cab as it passes.

KRAMER: Chunnel’s on HBO tonight. Why don’t you stop by?

Kramer waves and smiles happily at the dumbstruck cable guy, as the cab accelerates away.